I won’t beat around the bush, people. I recently met a man who was unabashedly entrenched in Dominant/submissive culture.
Looking back I suppose there are signs I could’ve seen. On our first date, he asked me how much I weighed. WTF. Who does that? THEN, when I wouldn’t tell him, he picked me up and curled me. CURLED me! As if I were a dumbbell at the gym. He put me back down and said “Yep, that’s what I thought.” Admittedly it was kind of hot. I’m not a small girl by any means, so it was sort of fun being picked up like a doll. Ted is definitely a strong, strapping man.
On our second date he just laid it all out in front of me. He said he had run into the problem of connecting with women until he reveals he hopes to have a dominant/submissive element in the bedroom. So now he just tells them upfront. He just puts it all on the table.
So Ted is giving me a bunch of scenarios (and mind you, we haven’t done anything physical at this point besides kissing) and I’m trying to maintain an open mind. THEN we are discussing boundaries.
The beginning of a relationship (any relationship, even friendship) is precarious. If you reveal too much too soon, it will scare someone off. If you hold back too much, you won't be able to build a meaningful relationship - and it will stay in the superficial realm. There is an inclination to "lay it all out there" because "if he/she is meant for me, he/she will accept me." I call this emotional vomit. I've been guilty of it myself (telling people too soon about my disengagement/past relationships and watching their eyes glaze over).
We are all freaks and want to let our freak flag fly, but I say bring it down half-mast until you recognize the approaching ship as friend or foe. Had we gotten to know each other and he slowly started to sprinkle some of his kinkiness in, that might've been a different story. Instead I ran for the hills because, let’s face it, you never get to come on my face.