Saturday, October 19, 2013

I Lead An Awkward Life Interrupted By Moments Of Normalcy

You know who said that? Mr. Sparkly Vampire himself.  Edward errr Robert Pattinson.  Can’t help but admit I dig the quote. What? YOU go and try to find quotes about being awkward.  I also stumbled across this one that I particularly liked: “The awkward moment when you spell something so horribly wrong that even spell-check is like ‘sorry man, I got nothing.”

This blog post might be summed up by the following :The awkward moment when you meet a cute guitar player at open mic and he thinks you’re cute too and then he follows you to your car where he talks nervously for 20 minutes before trying to kiss you but you duck out the way because you’re feeling squirrelly and don’t understand where he would’ve gotten the wrong idea but you DO like him and feel sorry that he feels dumb now. Yeah.  


Ughhhhhh… Who am I? The poor guy! He looks like he wants to run away and die. Or at least hide underneath the earth in a pool of molten lava. I feel TERRIBLE and I have no clue what’s wrong with me!! He’s nice! He’s funny! He sings like a rockstar and plays guitar magnificently. All of the ingredients for success.  

We stick around making small talk and avoiding the fact I just rejected him hardcore. He gets into his car and drives away. I stand there watching his car disappear and I don’t know that I’ll ever see him again. 

Something has changed. I don’t want random DFMs. (see http://flingstress.blogspot.com/2011/12/return-of-dance-floor-makeout.html ) I want to get to know someone before they get to make out with me. I had a joker recently text me asking if I wanted to “hang out” with him.


Ha. At least he's honest. That's better than some guys who will say what you want to hear and then peace out. 

It’s a constant struggle for many people. The struggle between what our heads/hearts/bodies want. I miss the affection of a relationship but I won't find it in a random person. I don't want false intimacy. It just feels empty. 

As Mumford and Sons so eloquently put it:“Now I’ll be bold as well as strong… and use my head alongside my heart.” And wait until it feels right to kiss someone again. Oh. Wait. They didn't write that in their song. But they could've  should've. 

Friday, October 4, 2013

My Heart's Aflame, My Body's Strained But God I Like It

I meet Eddie at Tiffany Tavern - he's a guitar player (well and a dobro player, a mandolin player, harmonica player, banjo player... you get the picture). Basically a walking bluegrass band. He's scruffy in all of the good ways. Longish dark hair, manly beard and heavenly green eyes? HELLS YEAH.

The night we meet I am having a bout of hypochondria. I even make my poor roommate Bethany feel the bump on my leg before I leave the house. I have convinced myself that this bump is actually deep vein thrombosis (DVT ain't no laughing matter!) and I am going to die of a blood clot at any moment. A hockey bruise, you say? Preposterous! DEFINITELY a life-threatening clot.

Eddie is not scared away by my hypochondria and thinks we should jam sometime. Purely a musical collaboration. ::insert smithers' fingers:: Exxxxxxxxxcellent.

He comes over on a Saturday afternoon after I've already had a few drinks at brunch and I offer him a beer. He declines. Well hmph. I bring a Magic Hat back for myself and he says "oh, I didn't realize you meant good beer. Then yes, I'll take one." Ha!

We intended to just play a few songs but fast forward four hours and he's still at my apartment. He loiters by the door on his way out... It’s obvious that we have both enjoyed each other's company immensely. He mentions that he'll be in Old Town later that night for an open-bar birthday party. Open bar, eh? Interesting. Interesting indeed. But I tell him I already have plans to go to a friend's party. "Text me later if you happen to be around" he says as he walks out.

Well guess what! I just happen to "be around" so I ask him if he's still there. His response: “Yes. Come. Here. Now. Whiskey. Is. Plentiful.”  SCORE.

I walk in and he's playing pool with his friends. I flit around, chat with random people, eat a chicken/waffle slider and challenge his friends to shuffle board. The whiskey is flowing at this point and he and I are unabashedly flirting. I tell him I can't drive home - so can we walk to a diner for a cup of coffee? ::bat eyelashes:: He agrees.

We are walking... singing songs and laughing when, all of the sudden, something comes over me. I don't know what exactly but let's just say I can't help myself.
 

 
The push up against the tree is forceful (BTW SUPER HOT) but the kiss is slow and soft. I melt on the spot. FUCK YES!!

The next few hours are a blur... kissing, more drinking, dancing to a grunge band in a dive bar, laughing, more singing, more kissing.

"This is a terrible, awful idea" Eddie says. "There goes the band!" he laments.  

Amendment: I commissioned this comic before I knew Eddie very well.  I struggled with whether or not to include him on this blog… because he was absolutely in no way, shape or form a “fling.” We dated for about six months and I fell in love with him. It felt good to love again. To be loved. I don’t regret letting him into my life even though our break-up was by far the most painful one I've ever been through. Eddie is, in many ways, the antithesis of Joseph. He is not materialistic or superficial. He is exceedingly loyal, highly introverted, deliciously tattooed and hails from West Virginia… His devil-may-care attitude means he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about him. It was refreshing to say the least.

I recently heard a spot-on analogy of dating. We are all little porcupines that are outside shivering in the cold. We want to huddle together for warmth and safety, but as we get closer… we end up stabbing each other with our quills. Well #*&%^! That’s not fair, man! So basically the more intimate and vulnerable you are with someone, the greater the likelihood you’ll be left bloodied and mangled. Great. AWESOME. 
 
Thank goodness my humor is in tact. Otherwise I'd drown my sorrows in Irish whiskey and Ben and Jerry's. Oh wait.

That's all I have to say about that.